Trying to change another person? It is faster and more effective to change your perspective.

Yesterday I met with a good friend of mine who was somewhat displeased with the actions and poor and sporadic communications from one of their friends. Understandably he found the situation frustrating and annoying - especially as this has been an ongoing problem.

Perhaps this scenario has or is happening to you. That you’re annoyed about how somebody else is. Or perhaps that you want them to act or be somehow different to how they are. There are really two issues here:

1. Know what your standards and values are and to communicate them clearly and kindly to those concerned
so that they know what their ‘contract’ with you is. It is a two way street so they should feel free to do the same and you hopefully agree and live by this code.

2. If someone continually does not meet your standards / values or ‘contract’ then it is ultimately an issue for you and not them. People are at where they are at - for that time in their lives at least. It may be unrealistic to expect a second division footballer to play to a premiership standard. In other words it may be that they are unable and or unwilling to be how you want them to be. If this is the case then you must decide what you want to do - live with it or move on.

These issues will arise for almost of us at one time or another. In fact it will arise many times in life in personal, romantic, working, business, family and social relationships. If this is arising for you now then welcome the frustration that you feel. Listen to it’s root. What is it telling you. If you have done step 1 to communicate this and if there is no progress it may time to downscale or even move on from that relationship.

If you do part ways do it warmly, kindly and wishing the other well. It may quite rightly be time for new possibilities and people more apt to where you are both at, or heading to, to come into your lives. in this way life is fluent.

But when all is said and done it is wiser to change your perspective than to try and change another person. Changing the first of these only is within your gift.

I’ve just issued my Coping with Christmas Press Release to the media. And with only 4 weeks until Christmas the hype, stress, family pressures over-spending and over-indulgence are set to take their hold. Shops and transport will be heavy as wallets and purses will get ever lighter. However three simple steps will help your Christmas be happy and peaceful without spiralling into stress and debt.

Preparation, moderation and communication are the ‘3 wise keys’ to surviving the financial and emotional stress and strains of Christmas during the economic downturn.

Rasheed Three Wise Keys of Christmas

1. Preparation:

* Set a budget you can afford and stick to it: don’t give in all the ads, expectation and hype.
* Decide who you do and don’t want to spend time with over Xmas and for how long.
* Give everyone time and space to plan and to adjust/ overcome any disappointment.

2. Moderation:

* Are times tough? Set a gift truce. Agree not to buy each other gifts, or only buy for kids.
* Know your limits when it comes to food and drink
* Partying? Have fun but be measured - work and social relationships can be harmed at Xmas

3. Communication:

* Discuss sensitively: tell all concerned what you will / won’t be doing well in advance.
* Avoid arguments - everyone can be on edge so step back to safer ground.
* Bury the hatchet: use this time of peace and goodwill to end feuds and fights.

Read Rasheed’s Coping with Christmas Press Release here.

Rasheed Ogunlaru is a leading life coach, motivational speaker and author of The Gift of Inner Success.

A very Happy New Year to you. Now let’s make that wish come to life.

Each year Millions of us make – only to break - New Years Resolutions within weeks. Perhaps it’s happened to you. So what is the secret to actually staying on track and moving ahead? By setting “holistic, specific goals for yourself, your health and your wealth” you can put yourself on track for progress, success and happiness for life.

The main reasons we fail to keep our resolutions or achieve success and happiness is we’re not holistic, specific and positive. We’re prone to negativity and set the goals ‘we think we should’ rather than ‘we truly want’. Resolutions to quit smoking or lose weight are great but you need to set specific goals in the context of your whole life that really motivate you. Only then are you likely to take action and succeed.

Rasheed’s Top Ten Tips for Resolutions that Stick:

1. Forget what others do – do it for you. Forget the pressure from mum, mates and gossip magazines. Set goals for you…take responsibility and follow them through. But before you do give yourself credit for all you’ve achieved / overcome in your life so far. This will put you in the best mindset to progress.

2. Think ahead …set 3 year goals instead: We often over-estimate what we can achieve in a year and underestimate what we can in 3. Set a 3 year plan – as businesses do - it gives you scope / time to set and achieve goals in all areas of your life /career. This is especially true if you’re seeking a major change.

3. Be holistic: any resolution like ‘to stop smoking’ must be set in the big picture of your life. Starting with the big picture of what you want in your whole life, career and relationships - to give you the motivation to identify and take the steps necessary. Identify what’s most important in these 3 areas and set a goal for each of these areas.

4. Start with the end in mind – when you go on holiday or make any trip you start by deciding / visualising your destination and then plan the steps and resources you’ll need. This sets your mind on success. Apply this to your life goals and you’ll fly.

5. Your self, your health and your wealth: When setting your goals in point 3, aim address and to make balance spiritual, financial and physical wellbeing - this will help satisfy mind, body and spirit.

6. Be specific – Identify the what, why, where, when, how much / many of your goals. Like shopping the clearer the list you have the quicker and easier the shopping trip.

7. Be positive – millions of people focus on what they don’t want and get it. Act on what you do instead. Let go of negative relationships and build positive ones. We are all dealt different cards the key is to accept and understand the game, adopt a positive face and play the hand you have to perfection.

8. Small, steady steps: Break each task into small steps, this helps your mind be clear on what you need to do and become confident about

9. See everything as feedback: Flowers grow through by both sun and rain. Champions become so by learning from trails and triumph in equal measure.

10. Get support – Who do you know who can help you? you can’t / needn’t do it alone.

Rasheed Ogunlaru is a leading life coach, motivational speaker and business coach. He is also author of The Gift of Inner Success which is launched on Feb 3 2009 at The British Library.

I’d like to wish you all the best of the season. And seeing as it’s the festive season here’s my “Food for Thought” 1 min double bill. Enjoy and Have yourself a merry little Christmas, Best wishes, Rasheed

Video 1: So this is Christmas


Video 2: Peace & Happiness

Rasheed is a leading life coach, motivational speaker and business coach

This is a season of spirituality, festivity, family, fun and sharing. But it is also a time that can leave you stressed, depressed, lonely and in debt. So here are my top tips.

Time: Decide who you want and need to spend time with and how much time is healthy for you and them. There’s no point anyone overstaying their welcome.

Money: Set a budget that you can afford and stick to it. You are not Santa; it’s not job to bestow gifts to the whole world. If money is tight then agree with friends and loved ones not to buy gifts or to perhaps limit gifts to children.

Communication: Once you know what you’re doing then communicate this to those involved as soon and as warmly as possible. This gives everyone time to plan, adjust and accept. Heart-felt communication may also re-build bridges.

Children: Remember it is time and love that they really need from you, not money.

Food and drink: Know your limits and stick to them. Piling on the pounds is far easier than losing them. Have fun and be measured. You’ll be pleased you did come January.

Rasheed Ogunlaru is a life & business coach, motivational speaker and author.

Isn’t it funny how serious we take life … and ourselves?
And isn’t it seriously true that when we take a lighter approach we become more at ease, effective and enjoy our life, work and our relationships far more? Now that’s something to smile about. Enjoy today’s film below.


Rasheed Ogunlaru is a leading life coach, motivational speaker and business / corporate coach.

Last Christmas I saw a wonderful article that pointed out that far better than spending money on your child is to spend time with them. It would seem that we live at a time when children and teenagers get a bad press: obese, crime, guns, knives, disrespectful, drink, drugs, under-aged sex. Funnily enough (aside from firearms) these are the things adults have said about young people from the 50s and 60s. Your parents may have had these concerns about you or your siblings.

We often forget that children learn from what they see in us adults and this must tell us something about how we individually and collectively live our lives. It also says something about being judgemental and how helpful or destructive it is. If you’re a parent – or indeed if you have children in your family and friendship circle - I’d like you to spend some time with them. I’d like you to ask them how they are, how they are getting on, how they feel about life, what they wish for, what they are concerned about. And ask them how you could support them.

You see we are taught to tell children what to think and do. Do you do better when you are told or when you are asked and involved. If we are really serious about saving this planet we need a new approach and that means that we need to listen and learn from our children. As many of you parents know this helps them develop confidence, communication skills, respect, responsibility and to become co-operative and engaged. These are the very skills that we need for life.

This morning I had beans on toast for breakfast for the first time in ages. I’d forgotten just how good and nourishing it can be - especially when done on a really healthy bread.

So what?… and ’so what has that got to do with me?’ I can hear you begin to think. Well it’s amazing how wee often lose sight of the basic, simple things that will actually have most impact on ourselves and our lives. When I see clients, many of the challenges they face are due to some of the basics not being in place or being overlooked. When I’m working with entrepreneurs very often the breakthroughs emerge maximising they already have and giving customers what they want.

So are you taking care of the bread and butter things in your life? Are you getting enough sleep. Do you eat regularly and sensibly? Do you take time out when you need to rest? Do you care genuinely care about other - or just yourself? Do you care about yourself and your health? If the answers any to these questions are no then now is the time to gently look at them and put the simple things in place. It will provide you with food for thought and fuel for action.

Much like beans on toast, you know the recipe and you know how to make it.

Yesterday a colleague of mine emailed me this touching story. I thought you might like it. Check out the weblink at the end if you’d like more. Have a wonderful day:

“Dad, dad, I can do it… I can do it dad… If you look, you can see it dad. You said that I COULDN’T do it dad, but look - look dad,I CAN do it!”~

“Dad, dad, please, say something. I can do it.Look dad… it’s come true. I can do it. You SAID it couldn’t be done dad!”

“Please dad, look, my legs are hurting dad, but I can do it, please LOOK dad! Please see dad, I can do it… ”

The father, slowly, looked up and saw his child, legs riddled with arthritis… brittle… weak…about to snap.Wiping tears from his eyes, the father said…”Son, if I didn’t challenge you in the way I did, you’d end up like most of the other boys having ‘normal’ legs, but… (he was choking back the the full flow of tears by now)…”… but, the father went on - they have no challenge in their hearts or in their minds.”He carried on, as best he could…”Son, challenge yourself in everything you do and put your heart, lovingly into it because you’ll never truly know how creative and how persistent you can become.”

“I love you son… “Inspiration, motivation and the love and careof someone close to us, is vital. Not only that,the persistence, challenge and creativity withineach one of us - when put to use - is simply,miraculous.If you want to experience a weekly “I CAN DO IT”moment, then sign yourself up at - http://raja-hireker.blogspot.com -