Trying to change another person? It is faster and more effective to change your perspective.

Yesterday I met with a good friend of mine who was somewhat displeased with the actions and poor and sporadic communications from one of their friends. Understandably he found the situation frustrating and annoying - especially as this has been an ongoing problem.

Perhaps this scenario has or is happening to you. That you’re annoyed about how somebody else is. Or perhaps that you want them to act or be somehow different to how they are. There are really two issues here:

1. Know what your standards and values are and to communicate them clearly and kindly to those concerned
so that they know what their ‘contract’ with you is. It is a two way street so they should feel free to do the same and you hopefully agree and live by this code.

2. If someone continually does not meet your standards / values or ‘contract’ then it is ultimately an issue for you and not them. People are at where they are at - for that time in their lives at least. It may be unrealistic to expect a second division footballer to play to a premiership standard. In other words it may be that they are unable and or unwilling to be how you want them to be. If this is the case then you must decide what you want to do - live with it or move on.

These issues will arise for almost of us at one time or another. In fact it will arise many times in life in personal, romantic, working, business, family and social relationships. If this is arising for you now then welcome the frustration that you feel. Listen to it’s root. What is it telling you. If you have done step 1 to communicate this and if there is no progress it may time to downscale or even move on from that relationship.

If you do part ways do it warmly, kindly and wishing the other well. It may quite rightly be time for new possibilities and people more apt to where you are both at, or heading to, to come into your lives. in this way life is fluent.

But when all is said and done it is wiser to change your perspective than to try and change another person. Changing the first of these only is within your gift.